Curiosity as a Way of Life

Why the best transformations begin with a gentle question

There’s a moment I see again and again when I’m coaching someone—whether it’s a pastor navigating a season of transition, a parent trying to understand their teenager, or a leader wondering why their organization feels stuck. It happens right after they’ve explained the problem, named the frustration, and sighed the sigh that means, “Will it ever change?”

Then we slow down.

And I ask a question.

A small one.

Usually something like: “I wonder what might be happening underneath all of this?”or "Describe a future you would prefer."

Something shifts.

Not because I offered a solution, but because we entered the magical undiscovered country of curiosity.

Curiosity is one of the most underestimated spiritual and psychological tools we have. In a culture that worships certainty, speed, and expertise, curiosity invites us to breathe, to look again, to imagine there might be more happening than we first assumed. It doesn’t shame us for not knowing. It simply says, “Let’s walk a little further together.”

Curiosity Softens Us

Most of us don’t realize how quickly we slip into defensiveness. The moment we feel misunderstood or overwhelmed, our bodies brace. Muscles tighten. Voices rise. Solutions get sharper. But curiosity—real curiosity—creates a softening.

Instead of, “Why do I always mess this up?”

We shift to, “What might this be trying to show me?”

Instead of, “How do I fix this teenager?”

We wonder, “What are they trying to say wiht this behavior?”

Instead of, “This church will never change.”

We ask, “Where is there already life?”

Curiosity doesn’t ignore reality. It simply refuses to let fear write the story.

Curiosity Gives Us Back Our Imagination

One of the most powerful truths I’ve learned in thirty years of walking with people is this: no one grows without imagining their life differently. The moment imagination is gone, resignation moves in and pulls up a chair.

Curiosity is imagination’s doorway.

It doesn’t demand that we leap into a new life all at once. It teaches us to take one small step—one question deeper, one layer beneath the automatic reaction, one inch toward clarity.

And inch by inch, a person begins to see what they could not see before.

A parent begins to notice their child’s tenderness beneath the anger.

A pastor begins to name grief that has been shaping their ministry in quiet ways.

A leader begins to reconnect the threads of calling, purpose, and identity.

Curiosity Honors the Mystery of Our Humanity

We are beautifully complex creatures. Our stories are built from childhood echoes, cultural scripts, sacred memory, trauma we survived, dreams we abandoned, and hopes we still dare to whisper. To assume we understand ourselves fully is to reduce the miracle.

Curiosity keeps us honest.

It tells the truth gently: “There is more to here than you are saying.”

This is why curiosity is not merely a coaching technique—it’s a life posture. It trusts that the story is not done. That growth is possible. That each person carries dignity, depth, and worth that cannot be exhausted by a single moment of struggle.

Curiosity Is How We Walk Each Other Home

At Willow Haven, my work—whether with individuals, churches, or teams—is rooted in one simple conviction: people change best when they feel safe, seen, and invited. Curiosity is how we create that invitation.

Not by diagnosing.

Not by pushing.

Not by pretending we have all the answers.

But by saying, in our own steady way:

“Let’s explore this together. Let’s discover what’s true. Let’s walk toward the future that’s already calling your name.”

Because growth isn’t a verdict.

It’s a journey.

And curiosity is the lamp we carry along the way.